Before I explain, though, I wanted to mention this: Even before I began these intense and very disciplined meditation efforts, I have felt as though I could leap out of my body for the briefest moments. It’s similar to how it feels when I’m desperately trying to remember a dream that has slipped away from me, and the harder I try to remember it, the more it slips away: For those who have seen the “Matrix”; it’s those moments when the flaws in the “programming” start to reveal themselves to those who are looking in the right way and in the right places.
And it’s those moments that I grew convinced weren’t just a pathway to lucid dreaming, but to a much larger reality that we’ve all been so efficiently programmed out of seeing, feeling, or even knowing exists.
As a result, I’ve become relatively adept at finding that twilight state between awake and sleep over the past couple of months. Now that I’m reaching for it within the context of deep meditation practice, I’ve had the smallest of glimpses of leaving my body as well.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve found that leaving my body may involve having to “let go” of my breath to fully leave my body. Because of the aforementioned overdose and subsequent shutting down of my respiratory system (also mentioned in an earlier post), that lingering fear has been a a serious impediment to my progress. As quickly as the sensation of leaving my body would come on, I’d run from it, and anchor myself securely inside my body again.
Today was different though: I took my vast experience of of fighting off anxiety attacks and applied it to the fear that churned away in my solar plexus the moment I reach that state of feeling I’m almost leaving my body.
And, in that conscious decision to EMBRACE my fear, the floodgates swung wide open: I began seeing and hearing things that I had never seen before. I was becoming invisible, and there was a glow around me that extended out from my body. Even though it was invisible, it had an invisible “glow” to it, not unlike the way heat rising off of a highway looks. It was so thick that if I could touch it if I wanted to.
Although it seemed very odd to say when it first happened, it also felt like LOVE.
This wave-like transparent glow surrounded my whole body, and if I had to assign it a color, I’d say it was “whitish.” Other objects in my vision had a “reddish” glow to them, but these objects weren’t so much “things” as they were energy patterns of sorts. Despite my previous experience with psychedelics, this was an entirely new type of experience for me, so my unfamiliarity with all of these sights and sounds and sensations are difficult to describe on paper.
Regardless, the more I embraced the fear, the more joy swept through me, and the lighter I felt. I kept interrupting the experience, getting up to document every new sensation, thinking that that this was a once in a lifetime experience. In those moments, I decided that I’d rather have a clear description of the path that led to this incredible state of consciousness rather than actually having the experience itself, so I could hopefully reconstruct this same state of consciousness in the future.
As I was nearing near the end of my time in this state, the impossible then happened: I leapt out of my body for a brief moment. It was just a moment, but I was out and looking down at myself, though I suddenly, like a rubber band, shot back into my body.